Updated December 26, 2024

Below is some general guidance on how to talk with your child if you suspect they might have been subjected to sexual abuse. This information is meant to offer supportive suggestions—not to replace professional guidance from mental health experts, pediatricians, or child advocacy professionals. If you have any reason to believe your child has been molested, you should also contact the appropriate authorities and seek professional help as soon as possible.

Create a Safe, Calm Environment

• Find a private space: Choose a setting where your child feels at ease and free from interruptions (e.g., the living room during a quiet time, their bedroom with the door slightly open).
• Maintain a reassuring tone: Convey warmth and safety with your voice and body language. Children pick up on adult stress, so staying as calm as possible can help them feel safer sharing.

Use Open-Ended, Non-Leading Questions

• Avoid “yes/no” questions: Instead of asking, “Did someone touch you?” consider gently prompting with, “Can you tell me how you’ve been feeling lately?” or “Is there anything that’s been bothering or worrying you?”
• Be patient: Give your child space to talk. Don’t rush them for details; they may need time to process and trust that it’s safe to share.
• Stay neutral: If you ask about specific behavior, keep your language neutral. For example, “Has anyone done something that made you feel uncomfortable or scared?”

Listen Actively and Validate Emotions

• Reflect back what they say: Use phrases like, “It sounds like you felt really scared,” or “You seem upset when you talk about that.”
• Reinforce that they’re not in trouble: Children often worry they will be blamed or punished. Remind them, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m so glad you told me.”
• Acknowledge their courage: Emphasize how brave they are for speaking up.

Avoid Leading or Suggestive Language

• Don’t fill in details for them: Let them use their own words. If they pause or hesitate, give them time rather than suggesting what might have happened.
• Steer clear of blame: Even inadvertently placing blame or guilt can shut down communication. Focus on empathizing and understanding.

Seek Professional Support

• Contact authorities if necessary: In most jurisdictions, suspicions of child sexual abuse must be reported to Child Protective Services or the police.
• Consult a mental health professional: A child psychologist or therapist experienced in trauma can help guide the conversation and provide therapy if needed.
• Consider a Child Advocacy Center: Many communities have specialized centers where trained professionals conduct forensic interviews in a child-friendly environment. This approach can minimize retraumatization.

Provide Continuous Reassurance

• Keep communication open: Let your child know they can come to you with questions or worries at any time.
• Maintain consistency: Children find safety in routine. Continue normal day-to-day activities while also letting them know you’re there to talk if they want.
• Assure them of their safety: Remind your child regularly that you’ll do everything you can to keep them safe.

Document Any Concerns

• Write down dates, behaviors, and statements: If your child discloses something troubling or shows signs of distress, keep a record. This information could be important for medical professionals or legal authorities later.
• Stay organized: Having detailed notes may help investigators or mental health professionals piece together what happened and guide appropriate action.